These past few days I've been thinking a lot about LOSS, about what it really means in different contexts, about what is effects in our dispositions and about why it is so bloody difficult to deal with! Well, to save you from any anxious expectations that I might have "encountered" the mantra to dealing with loss, I'm going to say it very plainly - no I haven't.
I have lost a lot of things over the years, sometimes relatives, neighbours, friends, opportunities, objects of desire, relationships/friendships, etc. Many of these experiences have changed me over time - some for good and some for bad. Some of the reasons that got me thinking about it in the first place was that one of my closest aunts passed away last month after battling a health problem that wasn't quite clear to a lot of us. Although she was close to my family, I was not particularly attached to her (now that I think of it, I wish I was). And yet I found myself confronting a profound sense of loss when I was told of her death. I felt a desire to back and make ammends, get to know my aunt better and spend more time with her. Although in vain, I felt it was necessary at that point. The moment of discovery of that sense of loss is quite a strange moment and also very critical from the poin tof view of one's future.
At that moment most of us experience a sense of obliviousness - the world comes to a stand still, and depending on how intense the feeling is, we can completely detach from our surroundings and "zone out", some experience a deep grief, some feel that the world has come to an end. Life as you know it, has changed! I'd like to point out here that I think it's very important to be with people we trust when we undergo an intense experience of loss. Because the things we do in our grief can have lifelong ramifications. To some it can be a life-changing decision, and to some it can be a spiritual enlightening. To others it can be a deep religious embarkation. These are some of the consequences of loss, or what I'd like to call the "positive loss experience". But there are those that go down with loss. To many of us it is a time to deny ourselves that moment of healing grief and is a time to change focus from grief to life - like when someone begins to give a lot of attention to life/studies/family/career with new vigour after having experienced a loss of some kind. Although this is a constructive way of dealing with it, it is only temporary and more of a procrastination of grappling with our emotions of loss for the time-being. These would contribute to a negative loss experience.
I believe making peace with our losses is important for true healing. I guess this happens when we accept that the loss we've experienced is a real part of life and there is nothing we can do to undo it (unless there is!). It's only when we've made this peace that we will move on to a positive loss experience. Loss is a real part of life and is required for us to truly appreciate the excitement of "gain" and fortune. What do you think?
2 comments:
hmm..intriguing post. I dont know if one can really come at terms with their loss - i have failed miserably. But the most important thing as you rightly pointed out is to have close and understanding friends on whom you can depend and talk with. I have done some really stupid things in my rages following such events ;)
perhaps the true positive loss experience is gratitude. to lose, one must have. for that, there can be more than comfort, memories, and lessons learned. there may actually be gratitude for what one had...and still has...
or just go out an order a round of shots for everyone at the bar!
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